Jack has had a rough month. It started with a double-ear infection just before Christmas. He now has a sinus infection and, over the weekend, all of his cranial orifices were so clogged that he ended up with pink eye. Ew. This has left me administering many medications to an unwilling child.
The last time J had an ear infection, we took him to a doc in our group who was not his usual pediatrician. He was a short, slight man, but had a nice bedside manner. When he tried to pin Jack to look in his ears, he needed help. As the then 2-year-old thrashed about, limbs flailing in all directions, the tiny doc looked up and said "Boy, he;s strong!" with the most weirdly intense, I-am-trying-to-hold-it-together smile I have ever seen from a physician.
I tell you this because now it is my turn in the ring with The Toddler. We started Saturday night with eye drops for the Pink Eye. After about 6 unsuccessful attempts, I tagged in my partner. Well, "tag" is not really true. It took BOTH of us - large-ish, grown people, to hold down The Boy and pry his eyelids open to administer the drops. I SWEAR he is going to have 2 black eyes by the time we're done with the drops tonight.
He also has what I call (God, forgive me) Wal-Mart Baby Nose. He wakes up with a thick crust of goop attached to both nose-holes. And this goop has multiplied, had a family, given them names. You know, taken root. This is stuff that cannot be sicked out by the Booger Ball (oh, what, you actually call it the "nasal aspirator?).
Here is something not a lot of people will say out loud: Only your mother loves you enough to pick your nose. This also involves me pinning him to the floor with my knees and holding his head in some kind of grip I must have learned from watching "COPS." I have tried sucking the boogies out with the little bulb aspirator thingny. I have tried having him blow. I have tried warm washcloths to loosen said goop. Aside from take a pick axe and a miner's head lamp up in there, this is the only way I can figure to get the job done, people.
Finally, there is the administering of the horrible tasting medicine. Even though we have had it flavored "grape," I have tasted it. It is BAD. This involves the aforementioned pinning, trying to get him to swallow the medicine while The Boy is basically blowing a constant stream of air out of his mouth so that nothing can go it (he's a smart little bugger). My only chance is catching him on the inhale. And to get him to swallow it, I have to hold his nose. Lord, it is awful. This entire routine takes a while each evening. And we've started bribing him with chocolate. It helps, but only with the taste afterward.
I'm not sure which one of us is going to come out of this latest bout of illness more scarred - physically and emotionally. I won't lie. The kid has a killer right hook. He land's it almost 50% of the time, because Mommy is old and slow. But I swear I need a drink every night after the trauma of having my only child scream "Noooooo MOOOOOMMMMYYYYYYY!!! STOP!" For a good 10 minutes.
OK, so that is my vent for the day. I am going to go pump some iron now, in preparation for tonight's match. God help me if that kid learns how to drop-kick.