Thursday, April 3, 2008

Am I Being an Unreasonable Bitch?

I am looking for a supportive community in which to raise Jack. Let me sum up. I am looking for some accepting Jews who would like to be involved in Jack's life.

We have ruled out Osi's family. Obviously. Jewish, but not supportive.

We have a few others who would literally like to be called family. In fact, there was a teary show of affection just after Jack was born about how much we are like family.

Needless to say, things happen, actual grandchildren are born and feelings get hurt. Mine, namely.

So, understanding that Jack is NOT on the same plane as these people's biological grandchildren, am I being a completely unreasonable bitch to feel hurt that these folks NEVER see Jack? It's not that they are never on our end of town, they just consciously make the choice not to come see Jack. And that really hurts my feelings.

When you are in any kind of non-traditional relationship, be it interfaith, interracial, single parent - whatever, you are constantly seeking "same." Looking for a group who can support your choices. Cobble together a family, if yours is not supportive, or just cant understand. I can;t say these folks aren't supportive they definitely are. I just feel so disappointed that the relationship isn't living up to my expectations. I am just really sad about it.

So again I am wondering, am I being a bitch for being upset that they - for all their grand gift buying and bestowing of monikers - don't seem interested in being a part of our cobbled together family unit when they were so on board to begin with.

I guess family - whether biological or in name - is a piece of work whatever you call it.


naomic3 said...

Of course, my first question is: have you TOLD them how you feel? "Hey so-and-so! We love you lots and want to know that you want to be more involved in Jack's life! So why you never come over, huh?" And if you HAVE, and all you've gotten is lip service and empty promises then contragulations--you have officially adopted MY parents. Family is funny, I guess. Even cobbled-togther ones can be dysfunctional. (This, of course, coming from your neurotic older sister, who thought about you lots--really!--even though she never made the 10-minute trip to your house over a course of several years.)

smarmygal said...

Yes. in not so many words. in pretty much exactly the words you used, actually. I get a lot of excuses and navel contemplating. Just makes me sad. Have I mentioned that? I am just really getting the feeling anymore that we are men without a country.