I spend a lot of time re-playing conversations in my head. For no reason, usually, than to berate myself over some stupid thing I have said. This past week, it was an interaction with another pre-school parent.
I am finding that Judaism, with all of its streams and sects and levels of observance, is a veritable minefield for someone who trips over her tongue as easily as I. Last week I congratulated a father that I thought went to the synagogue (Torah Emet) that just built a new building on a "beautiful new shul." He looked at me for a split second before he said "Oh, no. We go to Ahava Sholem." Ahava Sholem is the most Orthodox of the synagogues in town. I am now replaying and earlier faux pas from over a year ago, when I extended my hand to this same man to shake. A no no in many orthodox circles. To his credit, he shook it and didn't make me feel weird, but now I am going to think about THAT one for a week. But I digress...
We briefly discussed how beautiful the new shul looked from the outside and how we would both love to take a tour of the inside. Pleasant enough stuff. But I spent a good 30 minutes shouting down the voices in my head (no, not literally) for having assumed he went to Torah Emet. I thought I had seen an article with him in a picture of their fundraising committee or something. I guess it was Ahava Sholem. Simple mistake and I am really quite convinced that he got into his minivan and literally did not think about it again ever. (Not then, not 30 minutes from then and certainly not 48 hours from then, now blogging about it.)
So why am I still thinking about it? Other than the already-established fact that I care way too much about pleasing people, I think this picking-over must be a woman thing. I caught a friend of mine doing it the other night.
I realized she wasn't saying what she was saying to get me to disagree with her or affirm her. She really believed that what she had said was the most idiotic thing that could have come out of a person's mouth. That was a head-scratcher for me, because this is one of the most put-together, on-top-of-things, intelligent women I know.
Fascinating that even we look to as models of togetherness still have those moments. It makes me feel silly for having thought about it for so long (wait, am I now going to have to blog about THAT?! I think not).