Saturday, March 21, 2009

Ahava Who?

I spend a lot of time re-playing conversations in my head. For no reason, usually, than to berate myself over some stupid thing I have said. This past week, it was an interaction with another pre-school parent.

I am finding that Judaism, with all of its streams and sects and levels of observance, is a veritable minefield for someone who trips over her tongue as easily as I. Last week I congratulated a father that I thought went to the synagogue (Torah Emet) that just built a new building on a "beautiful new shul." He looked at me for a split second before he said "Oh, no. We go to Ahava Sholem." Ahava Sholem is the most Orthodox of the synagogues in town. I am now replaying and earlier faux pas from over a year ago, when I extended my hand to this same man to shake. A no no in many orthodox circles. To his credit, he shook it and didn't make me feel weird, but now I am going to think about THAT one for a week. But I digress...

We briefly discussed how beautiful the new shul looked from the outside and how we would both love to take a tour of the inside. Pleasant enough stuff. But I spent a good 30 minutes shouting down the voices in my head (no, not literally) for having assumed he went to Torah Emet. I thought I had seen an article with him in a picture of their fundraising committee or something. I guess it was Ahava Sholem. Simple mistake and I am really quite convinced that he got into his minivan and literally did not think about it again ever. (Not then, not 30 minutes from then and certainly not 48 hours from then, now blogging about it.)

So why am I still thinking about it? Other than the already-established fact that I care way too much about pleasing people, I think this picking-over must be a woman thing. I caught a friend of mine doing it the other night.

I realized she wasn't saying what she was saying to get me to disagree with her or affirm her. She really believed that what she had said was the most idiotic thing that could have come out of a person's mouth. That was a head-scratcher for me, because this is one of the most put-together, on-top-of-things, intelligent women I know.

Fascinating that even we look to as models of togetherness still have those moments. It makes me feel silly for having thought about it for so long (wait, am I now going to have to blog about THAT?! I think not).


Tammy Howard said...

I have done this very thing a million times. Do you sometimes spend the same (disproportionate) amount of time obsessing about things which have been said to you? 'Cause I know I sure do...

Shannon Baskind said...

I do not believe this is a "woman thing."

Personally, I spend/waste sizable chunks of time thinking about what I could have said, but did not - the missed opportunities to amuse, impress, or otherwise impact a conversation or an exchange.

Obviously, if we three share this tendency, it is not gender-based. Rather, it must be an affliction suffered by those with heightened senses of humor and advanced conversational skills, to whom humor and wit are as natural as breathing.

(Oops...shouldn't have said that - dammit!)

Jenny Penny said...

I have this marvelous reality-check neighbor, a woman who is an exception to the rule (the rule that says you must analyse, relive, rehash every weird moment you think you've created in every conversation in your life). And when I call her and say, "Sorry for recounting to you what that comedian said about the menstruation sex," she always says, in total earnestness, "Huh? I seriously hadn't thought one minute about it." And means it. I'd really, really like to be that friend to you. But I might be too busy wondering if it was horrid that I wrote "menstruation sex" in the comments section of your blog. Yeah, I'm totally feeling you on this entry.

Jenny Penny said...

Um. Did I just spell analyze as though I were a Brit? What am I? Madonna?