I've recently had a few incidents of what may be early-onset dementia. There have been brief glimpses of something that triggered a long forgotten memory. It's like mental whiplash.
This afternoon I saw a guy on a motorcycle. I've seen people on bikes probably every day for the last three months but for some reason, today's biker lead me down the "I wonder if I might like to ride on a motorcycle...?" path.
All of a sudden, and only for an instant, I flashed back 20 years. I was speeding across the Williamstown bridge in Jason Burfield's car. We may or may not have been going over 100. I can neither confirm or deny. I had that top-of-the-roller-coaster feeling - thrilling and intensely nauseous.
And - BOOM - I was back. In a millisecond I had had that memory and was back with my definitive answer: No, I would NOT like to ride on a motorcycle.
This is a memory that I had no idea was retained. A memory I literally hadn't thought about for 20 years. It was like it was on the verge of being forgotten until I saw the motorcycle and then it came slamming to the front of my brain. There have been several of these almost-forgotten memories lately, and I find it disconcerting.
Is it my age, the nostalgia for my teens and early 20s, that is yanking me headlong into these memories? Is there some kind of connection I am missing that links to the thing I am viewing and the memory and emotion that comes with it? Am I losing my mind?
I have no idea, but it is weird.
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It is my belief that our minds retain everything we have seen, heard, thought, experienced, tasted (YUM!), and that what we think of as memory is also our ability to retrieve that information. I certainly don't claim to understand the complexities, but find it delightful that I can remember things which seem so inconsequential, often at random times (never when I am trying to remember, of course) and yet can't always remember the things which I make such an effort to emblazen on my brain. I definitely do better remembering things when not trying as hard (let it go, mull it over, etc.)
I can remember when we told each other we were changing schools and found out that we were both going to St. Mary's. I remember recess in first grade in Michigan and Paul who was a Star Wars fanatic. Past events pop up and remind me that it's all in there, somewhere.
On the other hand, I am completely unable to remember any semblance of grocery lists, often forget appointments and occasions, and wouldn't remember if I had taken my medicine if I didn't have one of those big pill boxes with the days on it. Oy vey. This is 37??
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