What Are the Tide People Trying to Pull, Anyway?

Can someone please tell me how 50 ounces of one kind of "ultra-concentrated" Tide = 20 loads, while another kind of "ultra-concentrated" Tide will wash 26 loads with the same 50 ounces? Yet ANOTHER kind of Tide yields 28 loads.

Now, either they have English majors like me doing their math, or they are just fucking with us. Do you really not think we are paying attention?

And what is a LOAD? I mean, c'mon, now. Is washing a load of socks - and JUST SOCKS - the same as a load of bath towels? Is this how they come up with the discrepancy?

Maybe the test facility in Portland isn't using the same high-capacity machine as the the test facility in Memphis.

Have they considered the hard water vs. soft water debate as to which is better for your wash and which actually produces more suds? Because then, well, FUCK, I could be getting OODLES more loads if only I were washing Osi's tighty whiteys with Evian!

In case you haven't noticed, the good - or perhaps evil - people at Tide pushed me over the edge today. Their nonsense about the same number of ounces = any number of loads comes on the heels of reports that oil shortages have not been driving up gas prices. "Oh, our bad," say investors. "It was our speculation."

So, if I am understanding this correctly, the same rat bastards speculating that we are going to run out of oil yesterday are the same ones just guessing at how many loads I can get out of my 50 ounces of Tide. Someone get Al Gore on the line. I am guessing he knows EXACTLY how many loads I can get out of my 50-ounce bottle of Tide.