I had a FANTASTIC visit from an old friend last night. We were inseparable in grade school. Because of that inseparability, when we both went from public school to Catholic school the same year, the "IN" girls thought it would be funny to start rumors that we were too close, if you catch my drift. Nothing like trying to navigate your way through lesbian rumors at age 11. Jess and I were constantly harassed and, because her mom has common sense, Jess went right back to public school after 7th grade.
I mention this for two reasons. She is possibly the only other person on earth that truly understands my hatred for the 3-headed torture beast that was Jodi, Erin and Annie. We were discussing this during her visit last night.
Lo and behold, this morning in my Facebook account, I have received an invitation to join a group for St. Mary's Catholic School alumni. Surely, you jest. It was started by the above-mentioned Annie and, apparently, she would like to reconnect with old friends (re: prisoners of war).
This brings me back to a question asked on New Year's Eve: Do I spend more time living in the past, present or future? I spend time in all three, as I think all people do. However, the effects of 7th and 8th grade have had a huge impact on who I have become. I just can't let those wrongs go, as many times as I have tried. A lot of people have stories of being picked on, but these girls kicked it up a notch - they sent me Playboy magazine and filled out info that lead an Army recruiter call my house looking for me to enlist.
So the irony of Annie wanting to "reconnect" having just spoken about her last night is not lost on me. How to proceed? (And these are all rhetorical, since I've already decided...) Should I join the group and see who else shows up? There is no one from grade school I want to find that hasn't already found me on FB. But maybe this would help me get over the scars. Should I just ignore the invitation? I decided to ignore it and try, once again - in the new year, to just Let It Go.
The present is where it's at. And the future is even better. I'd like my answer next New Year's Eve to be "Present." But Jess and I did decide that we have another 2.5 years until our 20 year reunion and, therefore, to shape up. So, you know, living a little in the future couldn't hurt :)
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6 comments:
Oh my goodness, my eldest is in 7th grade, too - and the bullying is atrocious! I guess I'm essentially lying to her when I tell her to ignore it because none of it is gonna matter in 20 years... Kids can be so frickin' rotten. But you are a righteous cool chick and you do not have to let these silly twits get to you for one minute longer. Stop! It!
Thanks, Tammy. What you CAN honestly Lea (she is the eldest, yes?) is that it WILL matter in 20 years, but kinda in a good way. In the what-doesn't-kill-you-makes-you-stronger kinda way.
I wouldn't be nearly as quick with a witty comeback as I am (dare say) if I didn't have to develop that as a self-defense mechanism. So, while it was absolute torture then, it has, after all, turned me into a "righteous cool chic." Man, you rock on all kinds of levels, you know that?
Aw, pshaw. You're turning my head...
Well, that is just awful. I know I can't fully relate, as the only person who really ever teased me like that (including the stuff about me being a lesbian) was my sister, who of course is now an out-and-out lesbian. My dad was a teaser, though. It shames him to this day, particularly as he's grown in his faith, if that gives you any consolation. At any rate, by all means be pissed at the 7th-grade version of those little brats. Hopefully they're pissed at those versions of themselves, too. But remember they've had 20+ years of life between then and now, too. Death, birth, loss, kids -- maybe even their own kids being teased at school. My bet is one of them is the evil spearheader, and the others were stupid followers. Not to be a kook, but since you're studying for your conversion, maybe you can find some passages in the Torah on forgiveness that would cure your heart on the matter -- not to lighten their loads but to lighten yours. :)
OMG! I can't believe the luck that has fallen into your lap and you just IGNORE it???? Baby, it's time to bury this demon!
Don't bother joining the group or friending that bitch. Or okay, maybe he;s a former bitch who has reformed, but then again maybe not. NOW is the time to tell her "You made my life a living hell as a child. You caused me such trauma that even now, after 20+ years, I cannot go into a room full of strangers without cringing at the fresh hell that may be unleashed against me. You might tell yourself it was because you were young and didn't know any better, but I hope at this age you can recognize how cruel and malicious you and your friends were, how you savaged me for your own amusement, and how hypoctitical it is for you to make 'friend' overtures to me at this late date. I do not wish to ever hear from you again, and I hope your children will never be bullied the way you bullied me."
You may also opt to end such a response with "Suck that, bitch!" but it might lessen the classy impact of the response.
We seldom get the opportunity in this lifetime to tell it like it is. Please--for ALL of our sakes, TELL HER!!!
I don't know what myriad things get credit for making you the amazing person you are now, but I'm guessing that, as seems inevitable, the suffering parts contributed somehow. Great people such as yourself turn bad experiences into life experiences (or blogs for others to read ;) and manage to shape themselves for the better with all their life events. At the last reunion I tried to go up to Jodi (had had a lot to drink and was going to try to be friendly) and was regarded as scornfully as ever. I'm telling you, I could FEEL the rays of distaste emanating from her. Here I thought I could bury the hatchet and I ended up wanting to bury a hatchet! Some people don't appear to have changed. Just shows, in contrast, the kind of people we've grown to be and good for us!
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