Fantastic Things (and a rant)

I have some fantastic friends. If you're reading this, you are probably one of them (or have wandered here randomly, so welcome). I mean some really fantastic friends. They give The Fantastic Four a run for their money insomuch as there are way more than four of them and also they have way better, and more practical, superpowers.

While spontaneously bursting into flame is always a crowd-pleaser, it has never talked me off the proverbial ledge like my friend Sandy has about a million times. There is a card I have purchased recently that simple says "You're a Human Sparkler, You Are." That completely sums up Sandy. She damn near literally lights up a room. If that isn't as close to the Human Torch as you can get without setting yourself ablaze, then I don't know what is.

And although super-human strength would be pretty cool (especially given the impending move), not even The Thing would have the emotional wherewithal to offer to babysit my child all day during said move plus her own two kids, like my buddy Erin. She'll get in there and do the physical and emotional heavy lifting with ya.

Naomi really is the modern day Wonder Woman. Between the job, from-scratch fantastic goodies, well-mannered and incredibly smart children and piercing, quick intellect and sense of humor herself, all she's missing are the fancy bracelets and the invisible jet.

I prefer to think of Jenny and I as the Wonder Twins. Besides claiming, in a fit of narcissism, that we are the funniest people we know, she gets me on a very visceral level. On a level that only those of a shared trauma (like surviving a busted magazine venture in the deep south) can. And man, lemme tell you, if I had to move into a commune with one other family (thus negating the general premise of a commune, as there'd only be two families) it would most definitely be the Fiore-Jensens. Plus, the Wonder Twins had that monkey Gleek. Y'all know how I loves the monkeys.

I marvel on a regular basis at all the Mandie has been able and continues to accomplish. Not only does she have the best sense of humor of anyone I know (meaning that she gets the political highbrow jokes but will guffaw with you over a good fart joke, too), but she is highly-educated, a fantastic mother with a beautiful family, working in a field that she loves and in the process of settling down in a great home. While the chick in Kill Bill seemed to have mad multi-tasking kick-butt skills, girlfriend has nothing on Mandie.

Ellen is absolutely my secret confidante mommy friend. I absolutely do not know what I would have done without her during the first year of Jack's life. I could, and still can, call her and say things like "So Jack fell off the bed yesterday" or "J ingested a package of staples" and she won't judge, gasp or call children's services. Also, she'll inject things into conversations so slyly funny that you'll laugh a) because they are so slyly funny and b) you now realize that she is so quick and witty and you are so slow and dumb. I don't have a super hero analogy for Ellen because she is so Zen, where action heroes are all chaos.

While I must to compare Cristal to Catwoman for her smooth moves and sleek va-va-voom that all of us frumpy mommies envy, she is no villain. I've always admired her ability to say what's on her mind, get results and have a smile on her face - all usually at the same time. Another one who is wickedly funny.

So, while these posts are usually full of complaints about the buggers who are buying our house, today I am giving props my friends, for whom I am and will always be, eternally grateful. However...

Here is the rant.

My sister-in-law Sara will never, ever make the list above. As I mentioned, Erin has offered to watch Jack the entire day while we move (Mandie and Ellen both offered shifts, too, God bless you!). All of these gals have kids. Sara has no kids. No job. Not a damn thing to do all day and lives 2 minutes from our new house. I am guessing she will be over there in my hair half the day on the day we move. When I mentioned needing help, she said she could watch him the day we closed, but not the day we moved, because a full day would "just be too much."

I understand J is a lot of energy. We purchased a gate for when we're over there. She has toys because she basically raises her 3 grandkids when they are there for extended stays (ages newborn, 3 and 5, but my toddler is TOO MUCH). Why couldn't she just help us out instead of us having to burden Erin? I dunno. I really don't. If I could eliminate this woman from my life, I would. It is stressing me out just writing about her, so I'll stop. Thanks for letting me rant, Oh Blog Universe...