Frustration: Not a good color on me

I have been planning a fund raiser for Temple Israel Sisterhood and Brotherhood for the last 3 months. It has been frustrating. That is an understatement. Let me say upfront that Pam Chambers and Lisa Goldsand have been amazing in their efforts to help pull this event together. They rock and I would choose them first for any team I am on (professional, volunteer or dodge ball - you gals ROCK.)

Bingo-Rita - an evening of bingo games for prizes and a few Mexican libations, has been a hit at other temples. The lack of support we are getting here in Columbus has been maddening. If it were only from our general members, I could understand that, perhaps, the idea is not a good one and what works in Boca Raton does not work in Columbus. What I find most disheartening is the lack of support from temple leadership.

Sisterhood (and Brotherhood) do amazing things for the community. We send kids to camp for weeks at a time. We provide donations for Temple Israel functions. We provide more financial backing for temple than you might even comprehend. These are organizations filled with people who want to make a difference and who volunteer their time to help support Temple Israel and its families. We do it happily and with open minds and hearts. We also make really great friends.

Is $10 per person really too much to ask for you to come out and support an organization that supports you? I really don't think it is. We're even providing babysitting - so there is an excuse and extra cost - off of your plate.

We need 60 people to cover our costs. After that, it is a fund raiser for the 'Hoods. Money in our coffers that go directly back into the Temple Israel Community. Is it that hard to shell out a $20 for you and your significant other to come play a game of bingo, have a drink and just generally support our efforts?

Apparently so. Lack of support from leadership is enough to drive volunteers to burnout faster than you can say BINGO! As someone who managed volunteers professionally for a large chunk of my professional life, I can tell you that it is your job to nurture volunteers and help them succeed. Many of the leaders are volunteers themselves. But when you accept this position, you agree to lead by example. I am disappointed that so many are choosing NOT to participate.

So, is this rant appropriate for Facebook - where temple leadership (and members) can see it? Probably not. But I am posting it anyway. Despite the fact that it likely sounds as if I am a harpie and a tyrannical leader. Perhaps Jewish Guilt will kick it and you'll buy your $10 ticket to support the organizations who support you.

Things Jack Did..

Boy Wonder, The Manchild, Jickety, Munchin. The Little Man turned 4 a month ago and he has had a month full of adventures already.

The evening of his birthday, for instance, we gave up the binky. I explained that the Binky Fairy came and took it to a baby who needed it. That binkies are for babies and he, being 4 now, is a Big Boy. This lead to the following announcement: "I don't like fairies." That, my friends, is a loaded statement.

Last week, as he was playing in the bathroom sink, J dropped one of the shapes he like to play with. It landed between the toilet and the cabinet. While reaching for the shape, Boy Genius managed to get his head stuck. Next to the potty. (ew) I came running when I heard frantic crying and Osi screaming in a high-pitched panicked voice. A few quick maneuvers and he was free of his potty prison. But still, not his most shining moment.

We made the move to big boy pants this weekend. If, by big boy pants, you mean underwear with Disney characters grinning at me from the area of my son's tushy, then yes, bog boy pants are what we have. Only one accident during the weekend. My parents graced us with their presence for a few hours on Sunday. Dad thought the phrase "Listen t your body" was the most hilarious thing he had ever heard. Hearing Jack say it was, apparently, even funnier. This led to my father making all kind of obnoxious man noises and saying that he was just listening to his body. Unfortunately, so were we. (I guess that falls under the "Things my dad did" category.)

Life with a 4-year-old boy is always an adventure. I have a feeling it only gets more exciting from here.

Dear Neighborhood Idiots...

It is once again the eve of Trick-or-Treat; that sacred tradition of shaking down people you barely know for obscene amounts of sugar. As I survey my neighborhood and those around me, I see a host of ghosts and goblins, a few witches and one or two undead. Which brings me to my rant...

Last year the dufus across the street sat on his porch in a full body werewolf costume waiting to pass out candy to little kids. His son, the youngest of three knuckle-dragging brothers, lurked in the tree suspended over the driveway. As we were just beneath him, the little shit jumped down - in full on "guy from Scream" outfit and scared the bejeezus out of our troop, which ranged in age from 2 - 4.

OK. I get that you L-O-V-E Halloween. I get that you like to scare people (I live across the street from you and, let me tell you, you terrify me on a weekly basis). I am asking, for the sake of 4-year-olds with vivid imaginations and savant like memories everywhere - Could you PLEASE tone it down this year?

Should we not participate in Halloween? A lot of orthodox religions don't. Lots of right wing Christians and most orthodox Jews just ignore it. But, to me, it is part of being a kid. It is FUN to dress up and parade around the neighborhood and get free candy. So who is wrong here?

I really do believe that Beggars' Night is for the kids. My rules are 1) You must have a costume, 2) You must say Trick-or-Treat (followed promptly by "thank you") and 3) You must not yet have boobs or a baso profundo vocce. I think this keeps us to the 11 and under crowd, no? So if trick-or-treat is for the kids, why are we trying to scare the hell out of them. How, exactly, is that funny?

The real world id terrifying enough. Cripe, I honestly thought I was going to have to explain the concept of war to my 4-year-old during "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!" I don't remember questioning my mom about why Snoopy, the "WWI Flying Ace" was being shot at. Maybe that is the part of the show when I went potty or retrieved my Dolly Madison snack cake from the kitchen. My kid, however, looked a little concerned and I sat there, waiting for the question (which, thankfully, did not come).

So I am asking, pleading, nay, BEGGING on this Beggars' Night to please tone it down. Remember that these are little kids with bog fears already. Let's not add to the mental and emotional scars Mommy and Daddy are already amassing.

A Sunday's Worth of Thoughts

There is a girl who does the weather before the football games on CBS. Her name is Marisol. She is very pretty. But do we, at home and ensconced in our couches and flannel pants, really care what the weather is doing in Denver?

To add insult to injury, she got it really wrong today. A little wrong would be that she called for 70 and sunny for the Pats games and it was 80 with clouds. Really wrong is calling for rain and getting snow throughout the game. While she called for rain in Foxborough, she mentioned that it was going to be "really chilly" in Pittsburgh for their kick-off with Cleveland. It was going to be 43 degrees. Does this woman watch football? Because "chilly" is having you ass frozen to the bleachers in The Dog Pound in December with a brutal wind coming off the lake.

My point is, call a spade a spade. Marisol clearly has no idea what the weather is going to do and I don't think she was aware that there are tight ends other than her own until she started this job (probably still isn't). But damn, she looks fine out there in front of a green screen, doesn't she? So let's give the girl something to do like bring the guys who know what they are talking about drinks or something. I find the "meteorologist" facade insulting. So should you, Marisol.

And now for something completely different...

I am having a moral dilemma. I think the moral dilemma has made me ill. In my last post I told you that I gave notice at work. Now I am champing at the bit to get going on figuring out my kid already.

Whoever came up with "Two Weeks Notice" was a moron. When someone has given notice at a job, they are telling you they are done. Do you know how much damage a facetious employee with a gripe could do in two weeks? They could do some pretty damaging sabotage.

I am not that kind of employee. I am not even that kind of person. When I commit to something I see it through. I finish strong. But...

This is about my kid. This is about what is right for not only me but for my family. I go a little more insane just thinking of the minutes I will be sitting in a cube, unable to do anything about it during the week. Add to this that the president of the company and his wife a friends (if not family) and I really don't want to leave on bad terms. But this is not a job that is going on my resume because I have been there for such a short time. I am not trying to screw anyone. I am just trying to get some momentum on The Jack Situation.

Today was spent compiling phone numbers, browsing websites and making a list of who to contact. Can't do any of that from work.

And so I am torn. And I am literally sick about it. It's only a week. But it is my reputation. I know what society and my employer expect me to do. And I know what my gut is telling me to do. They are at odds. Thus the gastrointestinal distress. And I am beginning to see the truth in the old addage that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission.

Ah, if I were only a beautiful weather girl. I could walk off the set and no one would even notice.

So Here's The Deal

In July, Jack was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, which is more letters than he is old. Pervasive Development Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified. Osi and I thought maybe we were looking at a kid with some OCD tendencies, what we got was a diagnosis that placed us squarely on the Autism Spectrum.

If you read back about a year, I was railing against people who thought Jack needed tested because of the constant fascination with doors. As time wore on, however, and we met with the social worker at Jack's school (yes, his preschool has an in-house LISW, and we are thankful every day for her), it became obvious that the door fascination was just the beginning.

So in July, we had him tested at Nationwide Children's Autism Center here in Columbus. People always ask if it is Asperger's Syndrome. It is not. Not that glamorous, folks. It's just Autism. Not "capital A Autism" as some people refer to it, but again, on the spectrum, which is scary enough.

You never want to hear that your kid is anything less than perfect. So it has taken months for us to come out with this info. We literally told my parents, Osi's sisters and 2 sets of close friends in the first month. We were in denial and after that we were grieving. We didn't tell people because we didn't want people to treat him any differently. But if you're reading this, then you have likely met Jack and you know him. Great kid - a little quirky. You likely love him anyway.

Now I am in the let's kick this thing's ass mode. Which is why I have given notice at work and am devoting myself full time to getting Jack the help he needs. The longer I sat tied to the phones, unable to take or make calls or do any research or any kind, make appointments or get information for 8 hour stretches, the more I felt like the worst mother ever. I knew what my first priority was, and there I sat, not doing a damn thing about it. So, my last day of full time employment is Oct. 23. Can I afford to quit? Sure cannot. Can I afford not to? No way.

Already I am beginning to feel the heaviness lift. I feel ready to fight, rather than the crushing whirlwind I was caught up in just a week ago. With a decision made, I feel we at least have a direction. Is it the right one? Only hindsight will tell us. It is the right decision for us with the information we have right now.

Some people are in denial. Saying that if you ask for a diagnosis - whether or not anything is wrong - they will give you one. That there is nothing wrong with Jack. Others say"my kids misbehave, too." We're all resilient. Jack most of all. Hope you'll support us in our journey - it should be an interesting ride.